The Erotic Ramblings of a Sex Doctor

Photo by Asaf R on Unsplash

Where do I find my erotica ideas?

My friends laugh, even though it’s their favorite question to ask me while shaking their heads.

“Everywhere. Anywhere.”

Since most people assume that erotica writers have done every single thing they have written, I have to set the record straight regarding my writing. Are you ready? The answer is no. Given my current age and flexibility, well, no.

But in my mind, I sure have.

Aging is a tricky process. In my thinking, I’m a good 29–30. I’m a fun and adventurous woman. Well, I am still those things, but my body tells me otherwise. Like yesterday’s hike. My knees aren’t what they used to be. I work to adapt to whatever my body does not give me. In a previous post, I commented on how menopause changed sexuality for me. Writing helped me with hormonal depletions surrounding desire.

Since writing helped me, I focused on “Creating Your Boudoir Bibliotherapy” to help you with sex fun in your life. As I continue to hone my writing craft, I become clearer on other things. I love finding the spark that becomes the underpinning for an erotic story.

Writing taught me I hold on to the sensations of every marvelous orgasm across my lifetime. I store them in my orgasm library and then use them as resource material for self-love and to fuel my writing. The stored orgasm memories occurred from adventures in real life and the ones created through my fantasy life.

As a trained sex therapist people often ask me if I write about my clients. To that, I answer a quick and emphatic, no. I am clear about boundaries and respect the work of my former clients. Writing fiction is my new work. It is a creative craft where I stay in present time to write erotic stories. It is about tapping into my imagination, which has been a tool for coping with stress and problem solving all my life. Now it is at the heart of writing erotica.

Events that Spark My Imagination

Travel

For me, travel taps into curiosity about my new environs. During these past two months is the first time I have had such diverse travel in my life since I began writing three years ago. New places allow me to suspend my everyday perceptions and take in what is new. It has amazed me at what writing material travel supplied me.

This piece emerges as I sit on a wooden porch facing Penobscot Bay, an ocean view littered with sailing ships and islands. Birds and animals scurry around beside and behind me as I sit by the rocky woods. A lone acorn thuds on the back porch. I adapt to these different environments, both in the physical and emotional sense. What if I lived here? What about this new place touches my soul? What elements cause pleasure to bloom?

Sensing and Feeling My Environment

In three distinct locales, a different breeze caressed my skin; the food was fresher, juicier, and tastier. With an artist’s eye, I note the light value around me. I revel in skin color, skin tone, hair, body posture, and shadows. Once I experience those things, I get comfortable in my body to experience them.

I also work to experience the people I meet in this world doing their everyday tasks. When I step out of my comfort zone, it shakes me up. It shakes up my thinking and perceptions, which is a good thing. As I capture a person or objects in their environment, I anchor the feeling inside me. This is a mental capture, but sometimes it involves taking a picture. Other times it takes a conversation. Sometimes I pin the data with both. I realized during these trips that beauty and fluidity of body movement capture me. When home, I look through my pictures to see what I took, consciously or unconsciously.

Here is an environmental example from Paris. I snapped two specific pictures while on my trek to Montmartre. One is of a wide-open second-floor window with a bedspread hanging halfway out and a pair of sneakers sitting beside it on the ledge. The other snapshot is of the quaint blue and yellow Italian restaurant below it.

My writing mind went into overdrive. As I stood contemplating the scene, the surrounding people wanted to get in on the storytelling. I wondered if my friends turned into writers or needed some hot erotic story. Questions flew all around. Who are the people involved? What were they doing? Did the owner of the sneaker climb up to see someone? Was the window an enter or exit point? Or both? Was an invitation extended or did they end up in the wrong window? Had they had dinner and then too much to drink? Why would they have left their shoes outside the window?

My friends all turned to me, “You tell us about the steamy sex.” I laughed, teasing them. “I guess you must read the sex after I write it.”

People

While people-watching, I scan for what I call “story moments.” Something in the specific settings zings me. Here is my beginning list. A server in a restaurant, a group playing a game in the park, a person fiddling with their hair, a detail of personal movement that intrigues me. On my sailing trip, two of the crew captivated me. One sailor wound ropes and another told me about her use of the spiffy knife on her belt. During a chair making tour, a woodworker in his workshop demonstrated his tools, and I found myself fascinated with his hands. I wonder which of these moments lodge inside me fighting it out to be the inspiration for the story. They all contained a look, a feel, and a zing. They are the treasures I collect in travel.

While in the North Carolina Mountains, I sat beside a woman at a fire pit. We were sharing life stories while we enjoyed a wine tasting event. At some point, her partner walked in front of her to stoke the fire and paused. He conversed with another person while standing there. She slipped her foot out of her shoe and slid her big toe up the back of his knee and caressed him under the hem of his shorts. That moment held intent, intimacy, and sexiness. He backed into her foot and molded to her touch. It was a stolen moment and one that she thought was private, but I tucked it away in writing ideas file.

Later in the night, in a quiet moment, my seatmate asked me how I created stories. I hoped I delivered my response as casually as she had maneuvered her interest to her husband. “I use what’s around me for inspiration, like when you playfully caressed your husband with your toe.”

“You saw that?” By her tone, I knew she was blushing, but she liked the idea that her action may have spurred on a story. People may not realize there are moments to be captured that hold the essence of a story. This moment did.

Now that I have traveled with my friends, they crack me up when we are out and about. “So, what story moment have you picked up today?” They know me so well.

So, what moments have I used to create erotica stories?

Combine Places, Sensations and Emotion, and People

These are things that I incorporate into stories about sex. I look for the situations that have a passionate connection in me I can build on. When I get a gift from the actual connection of a couple, I make a story around the meaning of sex. Since the way humans go about sex is individualistic, I had a live event that I can create around the emotion, the intent, the personalities. I may differ from most authors in writing what comes next in sex because, for so many years, I have taken the behaviors apart.

Sometimes the way an idea presents itself is in a story form to tease me. In North Carolina, while hiking, I lost a shoe. One shoe. The running joke for the trip was everyone asking me if I had my shoes. On our last hike for the trip, I was telling my author friend I had to create one more story to close out the series that began a year before in those same mountains.

As we started the hike, three people in front of us carried inner tubes to float down the river. My friends joked again about me losing things if I went down the river. BAM. Those elements crashed together, and I had the start of the perfect last story for the series. The idea had incorporated, me, my people, my environment, the feelings I had while I hiked. All it took for the imagination to say, “Here’s your idea.” Now I have to create it.

The big bangs are incredible. I get excited whether it is the idea or the full story. The inspiration for my story Infused Leather in Best Women’s Erotica of the Year Volume 3 arrived fully formed. As I walked through the Atlanta airport, I turned my head and saw the shoeshine station. I looked the other way and saw the coffee shop. The characters and the story arrived as I gazed back and forth. I only had to write it down.

If I only get tidbits, then it comes down to answering some basic questions. Where? Who? What? And Why? As the author, I play with the when and how. But for me, it is all tied together. I can’t only write how. When people come together in sexuality, it is a nuanced event and so rich. I want to create layers for the couplings and pairings. I want to reflect all of those things in my writing.

Using the example of the couple at the fire, I have their expression and distinctive language to use. My writing might flirt with exhibitionism and voyeurism as a storyline. Outdoor sex, after all the guests have left becomes another idea. Oral sex by firelight and next to the pit could add some entertainment.

This specific setting also has the potential for more humor. I could add in something about the bear who visits the mountain homes in the late evenings.

Sometimes just addressing the content like this in a description format, adds life to a story and causes it to take off.

Given that, I better go. That big toe is calling.

Follow Dr. J. on Twitter, and then head over to her website and sign up for her newsletter.

From Retired Sex Therapist (she/her) to Erotic/Romance Writer. Covering Sexuality, Writing/Creativity & Erotica. Twitter: @DoctorJAuthor http://drjauthor.com/

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